Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
