Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize