Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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