There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
