I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
