we have pet lesbian snakes
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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