I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
