do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
