Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
There's a naked man in my car right now.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
