i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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