I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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