i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
