Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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