Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
