wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
