dude i'm inner monologue high
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
