I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
