It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Randomize
