I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
