i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
