You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
