She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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