I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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