Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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