I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
