i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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