my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize