I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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