Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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