My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
