think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
