I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
