I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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