May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
