no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
this boner is exhausting
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
