just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
