I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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