this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
