thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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