I can text with my tongue
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
