I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
