Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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