He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
