i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
