youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize