a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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