just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
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