oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
