My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
