This dress was meant to end up on your floor
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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