Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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