If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Randomize
