Why are handjobs necessary in class?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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