I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
