therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
this is an emotional support booty call
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
