I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
If that was your dad, he is hot
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
