you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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