i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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