Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
