u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
