If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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