Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
