so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
