Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
