Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
