I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
