Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
