OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
