4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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