youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize