yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Its about making memories worth repressing
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
