Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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