took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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