After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I'm like, not good at living.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
