If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
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