she was so not down for the gang bang
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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