We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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