What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
