I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I still have a little drunk in my system
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
